I'm in LOVE with autumn here! I can't get enough of it! The more I think about (most likely) moving back to Arizona next year sometime, the more I think about how much I love Fall here. Spring, I can do without, it's gorgeous yes, but my allergies go hay wire, and who wants to see the world through swollen bloodshot eyes in between earth quaking sneezes while simultaneously breathing through ones mouth very loudly...not I. For all that Arizona has (and I LOVE) a gorgeous fall, Phoenix does not brag of. I wish I could have Phoenix weather all year round, with trees like theses...
In other news!
I've signed on with a second Interpreting agency, which means I have even more freedom to say to no jobs that require me to commute through an hour and a half of traffic to go 4 miles, or jobs at hospitals in neighborhoods where I feel like guns should be legal here.
I won't lie, it's been tough to really love my crazy freelance job lately, but I keep trucking along, and this second agency, and a recent opportunity to serve as an interpreter again at church have given be a little bump up, I'm hoping this high will get me through the next couple months!
This is an extremely random post, I'm well aware. Aside from fall and work we've been having a lot of those adult conversations. You know, where should we look for jobs, where do we want to be this time next year, are we ready to start a family...deep stuff. I've been thinking a lot and have realized that I've been unsettled inside, torn, so to speak. I want to be my own person and make my own decisions, and be real with myself. But there are so many times when it seems like it'd be easier to let someone else's decision change mine. To avoid dealing with my problems with certain people, certain places, instead of facing them head on. This grown up stuff is hard. It's not easy to learn to cope with PEOPLE that cause you grief, but I've learned before you can't run away from some situations, and you can't run away from yourself. That statement is even more true now that I'm married.
I spent my young adult life moving...a lot. Mesa, Maryland, back to Mesa, up to St. George, back to Mesa. The first move I made that wasn't me running away from dealing with something, or someone, was when Taylor and I moved here to D.C. That was the first grown up, adult, mature, NOT-running-away move I made. And now, thinking about where to go next, I've realized I can't start that again. The running away bit. Of course I don't mean running away from Taylor (duh) but rather making him run away from my other problems with me. It just doesn't make sense. I have to grow up and learn to set up boundaries. It's not easy people. Especially for one who spent her first 20 years of life either letting someone else make my decisions, or running away as the only way I saw to make sure I was making the decision (which is really no decision at all..is anyone following this? I'm sorry if I'm speaking gibberish).
So now it's time for me to decide what I want, not based on any one else, or any outside factors that don't exist within the most important relationship I have, my relationship with Taylor. Who, by the way, is the best ever when it comes to dealing with mopey, emotional, messed up Kelcie.
I always find myself re-evaluating who I am in autumn. I'm not sure why, but my deepest thinking and most heartfelt prayers always happen around this time. I've never been one to go with the whole new years resolution thing, but fall resolutions I'm good at:
1. Learn to say "NO": I've read several amazing articles and listened to a couple wonderful audio books on setting boundaries in relationships (all kinds) and the power of saying NO in an appropriate way. You can find my favorite audiobook on the subject here.
2. Stop allowing others to affect my behavior: there is truth in the whole "chose your friends wisely" deal that has been hammered into me since childhood, but not exactly in the way I was taught. I've found myself mimicking the behavior of the people I spend the most time with (gossiping, complaining, laziness) and have realized that I want to be around people who emulate behaviors and attitudes that I find inspiring, not those that cut me or others down.
3. Serve more: with my recent opportunity I mentioned earlier I've realized how good it feels to do something for someone else. In fact (and this should surprise anyone who really knows me), interpreting this past Sunday actually, no lie, made me completely forget about my growling stomach (the first Sunday of the month we have a Fast and Testimony meeting at my church, you can learn more about what that is, and why we do it here.)! I was able to focus on the testimonies being shared and the lessons being taught, without my usual 'suffereing'. I want to get to the Temple more often, I want to volunteer on a regular basis and find some groups that I can really get behind. I want to be better at small acts of service as well, and being a better friend.
AND because the only thing I learned from young women's was to make realistic goals, I'm stopping there and focusing on those before I get too carried away...I guess if you made it this far, I'll go ahead and challenge you (anyone? anyone?) to make your own fall resolutions. I think it's so important to continue working on yourself, always, and doing so sure has helped me to focus on me and the areas of my life I believe need improvement.
Post your goals and leave a link to your blog in the comments!
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